Inner Thoughts:Mistakes
by Devil's Backbone
Summary: Yuki knows he doesn't treat his brat with mutual respect. What's he thinking when it may be too late to correct his mistakes? shu/eiri, angst, suicide attempt. Check out my other story 'Inner Thoughts' before reading, or this story may not make sense.


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Disclaimer: Don't own Gravitation, just this story and the plot.

Warnings: Attempted suicide, M/M, shu/eiri, ooc-ness

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_Eiri's POV_

I never intended to stop by here. Not after Shuichi came into my life.

But I found myself walking in the direction of a big sign spelling **Pleasure paradise: Men's Sanctuary**

Such a filthy and smelly place, with no style whatsoever. A big brick building. Nothing glamorous about it at all.

Long ago, this place was vaguely known for its creative streak, with colourful rooms decorated like the Wild West and tropic forest. But the most outstanding treat at the time were the girls working there. Exotic prostitutes transported from all over the world, ready to do _anything_ to please a customer.

And I mean _anything_.

But now, the place is fading. The paint is coming off, and I'm sure the rooms don't look any better. The only whores left who's working here are pretty, but not exotic. They're nothing special, and they are tired.

Tired of pleasing old farts with families and kids.

In the corner of my eye, I can see them lurking. Their lusty eyes glance over my body, but that's nothing new.

What's new is that I find them disgusting for looking at me like that.

I lit up the last cigarette and takes a long hit. Why did I come here?

My thoughts have been disturbing lately, making me all cranky and tired. And, being my charming self, I couldn't help but take it out on my little brat.

Poor brat…

I know it isn't his fault. But these days, every time he approaches me I can't help but lash out at him. Why does his presence annoy me so much?

I like him, don't I? Why else would I let him stay with me in my apartment? And being in the same room as him does calm me down sometimes, even though I would never admit it out loud.

But the question is: Do I love him?

Or rather: Am I capable of loving anyone?

I even surprised myself when I felt my mouth twitch into a small smile. For the first time in my life, my thoughts told me something that came directly from my heart.

'_You are not capable of loving just anyone.'_

'_You are capable of loving only him.'_

_-_

I put out my cigarette when one of the whores finally gained the courage to approach me. Even though I didn't find her remotely interesting, I had to admit she was quite a looker, with long, silky blond hair, voluptuous body and a cute mouth. She smiled innocently at me, and traced my clothed torso with a long, elegant finger.

"Want to do something fun?"

Well, she didn't waste her time. I didn't answer her though; my thoughts were fixed on those big breasts presented at me, and how soft they would feel under my skilled hands.

"What kind of fun?" I ask, and watched as her smile turned into something naughtier.

"You decide." She whispered, and put her hands around my neck. I could feel her lips coming closer. Her breath smells like perfume, and her face is even more gorgeous up close. The smile is gone, and I'm sure she's only focusing on one thing as she closes her eyes and dives in.

My lips.

She's only one centimetre away.

-

"Though luck, bitch."

She blinked in confusion as she found herself on the ground. I smirk as I watch her trying to maintain appearance. Her golden hair and clothes are dirty from falling in a puddle, and she's furious. The once pretty face is full of wrinkles and anger. But that's understandable.

In my own twisted mind, I felt a sick kind of satisfaction over taking out my frustration on someone I didn't care about. Even though it was cruel and selfish, it felt good.

She glares at me, and I could hear the venom in her voice. "What the hell's wrong with you?" she asked, and tried not to slip on her high heels when she finally managed to get up from the ground. I turned around, not wanting to face her as I told a complete stranger something I never told 'him'.

"I'm in love."

I could feel her eyes burning in the back of my head, and suddenly she leaped at me. I turned around again expecting to get slapped, but all she did was slipping a card into my pocket. She was still glaring at me, but when she talked it sounded like she was speaking to a normal customer, all smooth and seductive. "Still, if you change your mind, you know where to find me." She said, before walking up to one of her co-workers, who had been watching the scene with curiosity.

I didn't even need to take a look at the card to know what it was. It was the Pleasure Paradise hand-out card. I didn't even bother to take it out from my pocket at all, and soon I forgot all about it.

At least, _I _forgot about it.

I took a last glance at the sad building before going home to my apartment, where my lover was waiting.

--_One month later--_

"Yuki, do you love me?"

I stared at my bleeding lover, trying to calm myself down enough to answer what I was planning to tell him the last month after the incident at the brothel.

"Yes!" I yelled, and stroke away some strands of hair from his sweating forehead. His temperature was rising, and I inwardly prayed for the ambulance to arrive.

"Yes I do, so don't leave me!" I begged him for the impossible, and I couldn't stop my tears from mingling with the blood on his arms. Why didn't I come here sooner? Why didn't I tell him how I feel? Why did I have to wait until the last moment before telling him? Fuck!

The ambulance finally arrived, and I watched as my brat was carried out on a stretch. I joined him, even though I was soaked in his blood. I didn't care.

I found myself making a promise for the first time in my life since the Kitazawa incident. That if Shuichi would just pull through this, I will change my attitude towards him.

I smiled through my tears, and kissed him softly before we arrived at our destination.

"Please be okay, Shuichi." I whispered, before he was carried away.

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Will it be sad or a happy ending? Or maybe you just don't care as long as I finish this.

Please give me some feedback. Ideas and criticize are welcome:) To some extent, hehe.

Devil's Backbone

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